The basic premise in coaching is based on the principles of adult learning theory: “Adults are autonomous and self-directed. As adults have accumulated a foundation of life experience and knowledge they need to connect learning to this knowledge and experience base.” The coach responds to these basic needs with two main activities: asking and listening.
Coaching is so successful, well accepted and gratifying because the coachee sees their basic needs satisfied in each session. In our daily interaction with others, we forget all too often that the people we are dealing with are the same adults that appreciate the application of these principles. Instead of respecting their needs, in daily interactions we all too often go for the opposite behaviour: talking and advising.
Ask yourself how you feel, when someone is giving you advice without you having asked for it! Do you get angry? Do you feel like the person is putting themselves above you? Do you feel put under a disability? If you feel so, why should anybody else feel different?
Ask yourself how you feel when someone is just talking instead of listening to you! Do you feel like being of little interest? Do you feel devaluated? Do you feel the other person thinks themselves to be more important? If you feel so, why should anybody else feel different?
Sadly funny thing is that we all are living in a society with social interactions being a necessary and central part of our lives. We are living in a context where fulfilling the basic needs of being asked and listened to is valid for everybody. Yet, only few people seem to give this to others.
Coaching has been a booming market in the last five years. Is it because in coaching sessions we finally find the fulfilment of our needs? I don’t know. But what I know is that applying the coaching techniques of asking and listening in daily life will bring a lot of satisfaction to the people around you.
I have tried it—not only as a coach but also in my daily life—and I see the difference. Not only in the people that I am interacting with, but also in me. I do feel better by listening more and talking less. I finally get to know the inner world of the people around me. And the best thing is: I do learn a lot by listening to others. Everybody around us is unique. Everybody has their own (hi)story and their own perspective on life. By listening, we discover the world in a new enriching light. Try it out.
