Do you consider yourself someone who easily says “no” to other people, or do you find it very difficult to do so? Have you ever stopped to question how effective you are at this task?
We invite you, to test your ability to say “no”:
1 – Rarely | 2- Sometimes | 3 – Almost always
- How often do you say “no” to other people’s requests?
- When you say “no”, do you have clear reasons for doing so?
- When you say “yes” to requests, are you aware of what keeping that promise will entail?
- How often do you spend your time doing tasks / activities that are your own responsibility?
- Do you thank others for the request before refusing it?
- When you say “no” to a request, do you explain the reason for the refusal – in a direct and honest way and without going into details?
- When you refuse a request do you still show appreciation for what the person does?
- When you say “no” to someone, do you propose an alternative so that the person can achieve his/her goal?
Now add your score according to the answers given. If you have a score of 16 or less, it is likely that you’re not very effective in saying “no” yet. If, on the other hand, your score was higher than 16, it means that you can probably say “no” consciously and effectively. In both cases, there is always room to improve this ability. In this article, we give you some tips on how to get to the next level of competence in saying “no”.
- Set your priorities. Saying “no” to other people can be uncomfortable for several reasons, so we often give in to their requests to reduce that discomfort. But the truth is that saying “yes” also has its implications. Therefore, it is important that you identify what is important to you by defining what are your priorities and long-term vision, so that you are aware of what should be your “no’s”. Also to make sure your “yes’s” contribute for what you really want, regardless of the constraints. When asked, do the following exercise: “which answer will bring me closer to my goals: yes or no?”
- More than acceptable, saying “no” is a right. We think we are being rude or unhelpful when we say “no”, but these concerns are often created by ourselves. Most of the time other people will understand the refusal and nothing bad will come from it. Sometimes, relationships can even improve, as we are being more honest with the other person. Saying “no” is part of life, and you have the right to use it when necessary. Don’t forget that you have the right to protect your life, to take into account your interests, to have time for yourself, … Saying “no” can allow you to enjoy those rights.
- Be honest, give a reason but… keep it simple. Presenting an honest reason for the refusal can make a difference, but its details cannot. Sometimes a simple “no, I have something with higher priority at the moment in hands” is sufficient. It is not necessary to explain too much the why, as you have no obligation to justify it. If you remember that “no” is your right, you will know that presenting a reason in a simple and honest way will be sufficient.
- Be appreciative and respectful. When someone asks us for something, it means that they trust us for that task and that they recognize our value. So always see a request as something positive and thank them. If you have to refuse it, remember that you’re refusing the request and not the person itself. Make this clear to the other person, being respectful and grateful in the way you refuse the request. It is not the act of saying “no” that has the greatest impact, but the way you say it.
- Propose an alternative. Whenever possible, try to give the other person an alternative. If you feel that you are not the right person for the request, propose someone you think is more appropriate. If the timing is not favourable, propose another time. With this attitude, you show a genuine interest in helping others, without trampling on your priorities.
- Practice “no”. Practice makes perfect. The more you say it, the easier it will be to do when you feel it is necessary. Practice saying “no” in easy, low-risk situations. Try it with waiters, with someone who approaches you on the street,… Strengthen your “no muscle” and you will see that it will help you when the situation is more complex.
- Be prepared to miss something. Saying “no” can sometimes mean missing out on opportunities. You will have to be prepared for this, but above all, you must understand “no” as an exchange. By saying no to something, you are saying “yes” to something else. If you followed our advice and have your priorities well defined, probably that another thing is something that is even more valuable to you than the opportunity at hand.
Saying “no” will always be a challenge and you will probably never feel completely comfortable doing it. But, if you take into account the tips we just presented, you will certainly be more effective, reap the long-term benefits of this practice and you will realize that this is a necessary discomfort and, at the end of the day, worth it. So, be brave and say “yes” to say “no”!
